Thursday, June 10, 2010

Is There A Smart Way To Ending A Relationship by 8:00 AM - And Go To Work Too?

9:15 AM - Office meeting
1:30 PM - Sales presentation
6:00 PM - Break up with my significant other

Let's face it, for most of us, that kind of schedule looks pretty funny. While we may not schedule a break up that way, there are times when something needs to be done, and somebody needs to make the first move. A lot of relationships last much longer than they probably should for no other reason than breaking up isn't an easy thing to do.

Relationships typically end in a few basic ways. There is the dramatic break up. This type can be very sudden and usually involves strong words or actions. There is the mutual break up where both parties come to the realization that it's over, and do so at the same time. It's almost as if it happens by magic. It's also the most rare. Finally, there is the slow break up. This is characterized by things degrading over time. The sad thing is that neither party may even know they are headed for a break up until it's far too late.

So, how can you end a bad relationship without either party getting hurt?

The first step is to know why you want to break up. But don't assume that the first reason you come up with is the real reason. You need to find the underlying cause of wanting to break up. Having a clear and accurate idea of why you're breaking up will make the process go smoother for both parties. That's because you will be operating from a position of honesty, and that's key.

Set a time to discuss things that is convenient for both of you. If at all possible do this face-to-face. It's really not the kind of thing that should be handled via e-mail or over the phone. The only exceptions for long-distance relationships where you won't be able to get together for a while. It's better to end things quickly, than it is to delay the inevitable.

Keeping things positive when ending a relationship is a smart move. Just because you are ending a romance doesn't mean you have to make an enemy. Be nice to each other and treat each other with respect. Don't get defensive, and don't make the other person defensive, either. If they start crying, be compassionate. At the same time, be aware that it may be an attempt to manipulate you. You can still be nice, but don't let them make you do something you don't really want to do.

Finally, at this stage, getting back together in the future is probably the last thing on your mind. However, it is always a possibility. By ending a relationship the right way, you will have a better chance of being together at a later time, should that be something you would like to do. Either way, breaking up doesn't have to be hard to do. Follow the tips above and you can both move on and be happy that you did. Don't forget your copy of the "Magic Of Making Up" below


Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Does Love Help You Live Longer - Possible The Real Answer

Does love help you live longer? What a great question! Statistics show that happily married couples live as much as five years longer than their single counterparts (with the effect being somewhat more pronounced in married men). Because it is so subjective, it is impossible to accurately measure love with statistics. However, with a cursory glance of the data, it seems reasonably safe to assume that love, does, in some way, lead people to spend a few more years among the living.

Everybody agrees that being loved is a wonderful feeling. Knowing that somebody cares for us is hard to explain in words, but it sure feels good! Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if you smiled a little bit just now thinking about the people that love you. And though true love towards someone doesn't require that they love you back, I bet you just so happen to return love to those who love you most.

Loving others means you are unselfish when dealing with them. Caring for someone else's happiness and well-being takes your focus off of you and puts other people first. This can be a marvelous way to reduce stress that would otherwise steal years from our lives.

Another quick answer to the question "does love help you live longer" is, "hate sure makes you die sooner". Hating others only increases other negative feelings and stress. Have you ever felt a certain something pumping through your body when you hate someone or something? Your whole physiology changes. Besides, it's wasted energy, because those that are the subject of our hatred either don't care how we feel, or have no idea how we feel.

One more aspect of love and longevity is that love often gives us a reason to keep on living. Men and women throughout the world have survived horrendous situations (man-made and natural) only because they focused on seeing their loved ones once again. If that's not a testament to the life-extending power of love, I don't know what is!

The connection between emotional health and physical health is still not completely understood. However, there are clear links between the two. The human body is, in many ways, greater than the sum of its parts. Another way to look at it is if we are in prime physical shape, but are emotional wrecks, then we are not getting all life has to offer.

Let's be realistic for a moment, shall we? Love may not keep you from getting hit by a bus when crossing the street, but it can make recovering from such an accident more bearable. Even if love can't be proven to help you live longer, I know I would rather have a few short years of loving someone, instead of having several lifetimes without any love at all.

There are two easy ways to use love to increase the quality of life. The first is to show love towards others. That not only includes family and friends, but everyone you deal with in some capacity. The second way can be a bit trickier for some: allow others to love you. Keep the following phrase in mind as you go about your day, and see what a difference it makes. The phrase? "Let love happen". Don't forget your copy of "Magic Of Making Up" below!

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Navigating The Five Emotional Stages Of A Relationship Breakup

The following emotional stages of a relationship breakup are only guidelines to help you navigate through a difficult time to a happier ending. What's important to understand is that even though they are uncomfortable, each of the following feelings are quite normal.

What follows are often referred to as the "five emotional stages of grief". Each of the concepts apply just as easily to a relationship breakup. The major difference is that some of the stages can happen while the relationship is still in tact.

The first stage is denial. There are plenty of stories about spouses and significant others who justified the odd behavior of an ex before a breakup.

"Oh, he probably got lipstick on his collar when he accidentally bumped into someone."

"She didn't call to tell me she was going to be late because she was too busy with work."

Those are two rather blatant examples that may not apply, but how about this one? "We don't argue that much, we just like to discuss our problems." Open communication is great, but not when it's used as an excuse for calling each other names and saying hurtful things. You have to make an honest assessment of your relationship if you want it to succeed, denial prevents that from happening. If you are able to recognize and correct things at the denial stage, then you may not have to worry about the rest.

Anger and resentment may be the most common of the emotional stages of a relationship breakup. You broke up, and now you're mad at your ex. Even if deep down you know it was mostly your fault, you find reasons to be mad at them. You have to let go of the anger and resentment before you can move on. Plus, it is much better for your overall health when you're not carrying around so much anger.

Trying to patch things up is a worthy goal, but resorting to negotiation (the next stage) isn't the best way to go about it. Here you will say and do anything to get your ex back. You will change, make promises, and do "whatever it takes". But you're not really thinking them through. More than likely they do not fit in with your character and will be impossible for you to follow through on. When you notice you're using the word "if" a lot, it's a sure sign you are at this stage.

Depression as one of the emotional stages of a relationship breakup can really pop up at just about any time in the process. You may believe that you could never love somebody the same way again, or worse, that nobody will ever love you again. Regardless of when it occurs, be willing to seek professional help if you need it.

The final stage is acceptance. It's just like it sounds. You have come to terms with your relationship and accept whatever has happened. You start feeling better (not necessarily great, but better) and are ready to start being yourself again.

Remember, these five stages are just a guideline. You may not experience all of them, and they may be in a different order and vary in their intensity. Now that you are aware of the stages, it will be easier to get through them if the situation arises.